Sunday, December 29, 2019

Gray Day

Struggling to write today
Which makes no sense.
It’s a gray, rainy day,
Temperature is ten degrees lower than yesterday,
There are puddles in parking lots and on sidewalks.
It’s a day for worms, not people, to thrive.
The perfect kind of day for sad thoughts
The perfect kind of day for writing.

A friend needs a hug.
Two deaths - a cousin and a classmate,
Sadden her,
And maybe they remind her of her mortality.
Anti-Semitic violence and another shooting,
Sadden her, me, and hopefully everyone with a conscience,
And should remind us
that violence based on religion or hate
never ends well for civilization.

Morbid thoughts on a gray day.
I should be celebrating that writing came
From sadness.
Instead I’m mourning the loss,
Once again,
Of innocence.
I fall into the rhythm and comfort
of writing
because writing is easier than speaking.
It’s a safe place for me to express emotions,
Reflect on trials and tribulations,
Examine my soul,
And wallow.
Lamenting, alone with my heart,
Until a ray of sunshine
Jolts me back to reality.
I’m alive
And every day offers me something of value
Whether I see it right away or not.

Sometimes struggling,
Sometimes singing,
Sometimes loving,
Always living.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

Holiday Letter

Dear Daughter,

End of the year,
Holiday parties, Christmas songs,
The expectation that you will feel cheerful,
Maybe even bake cookies,
And exchange gifts with family and friends.

It’s a pretty picture
I wish I could paint it for you.
But I’m not an artist.
And we rarely are able to be together in December.

Online shopping, 
Holiday markets and the post office,
Impersonal gift cards and opening gifts alone,
Texting phrases and emojis,
That is our holiday reality.

This was supposed to be
a holiday gift for you.
A reminder of a noisy kitchen,
the strike of a match to light the first candle,
wrapping paper being torn.
Grandma’s house, 
Being allowed in the forbidden rooms,
Friends, cousins, aunts, and uncle visiting,
Too much boring adult talk,
Going for a family walk to see holiday lights.

It’s getting close to the end
of another year.
A natural time to think back
about the dreams we had in January,
all the things we thought we would do,
the places we would go.
A time to think about
the things that went wrong,
the things that went right,
Pleasant surprises and
Hurtful disappointments.

It’s the time of year
when people are cheerful.
And still we get caught up in thoughts
of what could have been,
people we miss because they are no longer in our lives

It’s getting close to the beginning
of a new year,
Time for us to make our resolutions,
and to wonder if we will keep them.
Time to party with friends, 
Time to think about who we are
and what we are doing with our lives.
Time to be happy, sad, hopeful, bitter,
Time to feel love and loss.
Because that’s what we do.
It’s part of the process
of getting to know and love yourself.

The end of the year
means new beginnings.
A cliche.
The reality is, 
every day is a time for old and new.
So go with the cheer. 
Have fun, celebrate,
Live as big as you want to.
And try to think and grow
at your own pace,
not based on a date on the calendar.
Your trips around the sun are yours.
Celebrate them however you want to.
And burst out of your orbit now and then.
Explore the universe.
And don’t worry about where it will lead you,
or getting lost,
Gravity will bring you back,
into the orbit that is right for you,
If you let it.

Love, Mom

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Tis the Season

My annual December thought process. Single, Jewish, socially awkward, and live alone, no family close by. But that’s okay, I know it’s temporary. Life gets happier after the holiday season. No more Christmas cheer. No more questions about family, presents, and am I ready. No more bells ringing at the supermarket. No more Christmas music on the radio. No more New Year’s Eve fireworks, No more being odd man out amidst friends who mean well but will never understand. On January 2, equilibrium returns. ‘Tis the season.

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the season to pretend you’re jolly,
Be sure to hide the melancholy.
If you’re not a Christmas person,
this time of year can be tough
If you live alone and have no family nearby,
it can be difficult to stay upbeat.
There’s only so many questions about Christmas shopping
and trees
that I can take.
Yes, I bought presents.
No I don’t have a tree but I have my menorah.
And no matter how mentally prepared I think I am each December,
It still gets me down.
‘Tis the season to stop assuming that everyone celebrates Christmas
and to be more understanding in your greetings.
How about leaving out the questions and sticking with the message
Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
Peace on earth.
Not everyone has glitter, family and parties.
But everyone wants peace
and good will.
‘Tis the season,
Joy to you in your world
I hope you find peace within,
Receive and give good will,
and find companionship,
If you want it.
‘Tis the season for assumptions
‘Tis the season for acceptance
‘Tis the season for caring and giving.
Let us say,

Friday, December 20, 2019

Train of thought

Tired body,
plus tired brain,
equals lack of concentration.

There is no train of thought.
Either that or the train left the station
without me.

Sunday, December 15, 2019

Yellow Dress

From last night
They told her she was too big to dance,
and that yellow wasn’t her color.
Tonight she’s in the spotlight,
center stage.
Choreographer and performance artist,
Dancing to the music she picked
with moves that come from her heart.
In her yellow dress,
Lights off,

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Holiday Letter teaser

I wrote a holiday letter to my children.
And now I have to hold onto it for ten days.
That is really hard.
I poured my heart into that letter.
I wrote it as a gift,
and I need to send that gift
across the miles,
so they can read it.
Ten days.
Two children.
One present sent, received and opened.
And my heart
will feel complete again.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Hanukkah Bear

I wrote this as a song. Now I need to figure out the melody and chords.

December was always full of gifts 
And it was always full of stories
The miracle of rebuilding and the miracle of light
We sang songs and spun a top
Ate chocolate wrapped like a coin
And once upon a time my favorite toy was born,

Fuzzy brown stuffed bear named Mordecai
Watches the dreidels spin
And the candles burning bright.
Blue cap on his head
That’s my Hanukkah Bear 
Named Mordecai.

My Friends decorated Christmas trees
And hung stockings on the wall
They celebrated a miracle of a child being born.
It seemed that Christmas lights and music
Were everywhere we went.
I brought along my bear when I sat on Santa’s lap.

Fuzzy brown stuffed bear named Mordecai
Watches the dreidels spin
And the candles burning bright.
Blue cap on his head
That’s my Hanukkah Bear 
Named Mordecai.

I heard the words Merry Christmas
As a greeting and goodbye.
In my head I would say
Happy Hanukkah instead.

Peace on earth and being nice
Are what the holidays are about.
Light candles and remember
The miracle can happen here.

Fuzzy brown stuffed bear named Mordecai
Watches the dreidels spin
And the candles burning bright.
Blue cap on his head
That’s my Hanukkah Bear 
Named Mordecai.

PS, our original Hanukkah bear was brown. Not sure where he went. Now I have a blue one.