Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Family Puzzles

So many puzzle pieces
Not sure how many there are
or what the final picture looks like.
Which makes it hard
to complete the picture.
Which is why I call it a

according to Merriam Webster's online dictionary.
Definition one: the state of being puzzled as in perplexity
Definition 2: something that puzzles
Definition 3: a question, problem, or contrivance designed for testing ingenuity

Bingo! Number three fits.
Missing pieces result in questions
and the problem of not knowing what is missing
or how much.
Which definitely tests
Not only is my life a puzzle,
But so is my family.
From whence i came.
Where will I go.
And how will I get there.

Are You There Yet?

Almost at the finish line,
according to the hype.
But I know better.
The finish line is nowhere in sight.
But the deadline is.
So. I guess,
the deadline is the end of the game.
In which case I will be done on time.
But not really finished.

NaNo Pep Talk

Write like a mad woman.
Write like you’re on a mission.
Just write.

Think if you want to,
But for now just type.
Write like you mean it,
Just write.

Don’t second guess
Don’t spell and grammar check
Don’t worry about storyline.
Just write.
Now is the time
For getting words
Onto a page
Just write.
Editing can come later.
Right now
All I need to do is

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

NaNoWriMo concession speech

Getting close to the deadline,
but still far from the goal.
Not going to give up entirely.
Just going to acknowledge that I won’t make it
all the way.
Luckily, in this case
partial victory
is okay by me.
I won’t make the number,
so won’t earn the prize.
But playing the game all the way through
is what matters.
My how I have grown.

Monday, November 26, 2018

Ladies and Gentlemen

Don’t go and get a bee in your bonnet
just because someone called you
Consider it a title,
a compliment.
By the way,
you can call me
any time,

Saturday, November 24, 2018


Prayer is a personal thing.
So is a relationship with God,
He or she or it.
Spiritual or mythical.

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Thanksgiving with Mom

Drove for 4 ½ hours,
to sit and watch my mom sleep.
No feast.
I missed that.
Which is okay.
Instead of going for a walk
or watching football with my dad,
I’m watching the Macy’s Parade
And my Mom in her bed,
set low to the floor,
with cushions on each side.
Small bruise on her forehead,
probably from falling out of bed.
Which is why there are cushions.
Federal regulations don’t permit
bedrails for adults.
So I sit
Listen to Broadway actors sing,
Followed by the blah blah blah of the announcers.
I watch Mom.
She might be dreaming,
happy ones, I hope.
She sighs,
and calls out.
Indistinguishable sounds,
Like the ones she makes when awake.
Except softer
As if she
knows she’s asleep.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Thanksgiving 2018

Going to visit mom tomorrow,
For Thanksgiving.
Not sure she will know that’s why I’m there,
Or if it’s me.
First major holiday without her.
Even though she is physically here.
Mentally, dementia has won
The war with her brain.
The smile is there
But not sure the recognition is.
Does it matter
That we don’t know
What is going on inside her head?
Does it matter
That we don’t know
If she knows who we are?
Does it matter
That she might not know
What is going on
Or understand anything people are saying?
I guess it only matters
If I think it does.
As long as she has the will to live
It must matter to her.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Life is Funny

Life has a funny way of occasionally kicking me in the ass.
It’s like something out there in the ether
sees me and thinks,
Hey, it’s time to remind her who she is
And what a fuck up she can be,
And, oh yeah, you’re actually good at a few things,
Maybe even awesome at one or two.
Which means you average out to okay.
You’re just a mere mortal
like everyone else.
Good days
Bad days
Amazing days
Totally sucky days.
Just like most people.
Except it’s you,
so you feel like
you pay too much attention
when it doesn’t matter
and too little when it does.
Life is funny that way.

Emotional Healing?

The scars of a lifetime
of emotional ups and downs
live in my brain.
They seep into my consciousness
at the oddest times.
They seem to have a sense of when
Memories are fun
and when
Memories can hurt.
It’s almost like the scars
have a life of their own.
And a need to remind me
they are there.


Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel
Looking for a reason to not turn back.
Looking for the path of least resistance
Looking to make a new path.

Friday, November 16, 2018

Did I become my mom?

Prose tonight.

I wonder how many daughters say they don’t want to become their mother. And then one day we realize we just heard her words come out of our mouth. And we just laughed or danced the way she does. Or complained about the same thing. Or raved about something she loves just the way she does. Or looked in the mirror and saw a younger version. Or even worse, a carbon copy. It must be inevitable. At some point some part of you becomes your mother. Deal with it. Or maybe your mother became you. Maybe she just looked in the mirror or at one of your pictures and thought, I just became my daughter, And guess what, she probably won’t complain about it.  So there. Revenge of the mother. Sarcasm? Where?

Not sorry

Not Sorry
Finally listening and speaking
Without filtering my thoughts and words
Without worrying about prejudicing someone’s feelings toward
Someone I no longer need to care about.
That boat has sailed.
And I finally lost it on the horizon.
It was a long journey.
But I am there.
It’s a place called freedom.
And I love it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Musing about self discipline

Self Discipline:
control and motivate,
stay on track, do what is right.
WIthout someone else forcing you,
cajoling you,
controlling and motivating you.
You do it because you want to
and you care enough
to stay on track
and do what you think is right.


White snowflakes
Softly on my jacket.
I don’t understand
Why some people
Don’t like snow.
It can be delicate,
kiss your skin and melt.
It can be wet,
Stick to your hat, jacket, gloves,
Turn the world around you into
Too much of a good thing
Can be difficult to deal with
Or turn deadly.
But that isn’t the snow we get around here.
The snow we get
Doesn’t come often enough
And doesn’t stay long enough.
So why not enjoy the beauty
And see it for what it is,
A treat from nature.
A reason to rejoice.
An inspiration for art, music,
And maybe even love.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Work Out time

Sometimes working out is over-rated.
Which is more relaxing for my mind and body?
Sweating for an hour?
Or making dinner,
Writing for an hour
Reading for an hour
And playing or listening to music
For as long as I want to?
I think the write, read, music marathon
Will win out.
Won’t help my muscle tone,
But it will help my head
And my heart will benefit in a non-aerobic way.
Working out my soul
Is sometimes more important
Than a physical workout.
That’s my story
And I’m sticking to it.


Somehow the music I grew up with
survived all my moves.
Coast to coast
and several places in between.
Four time zones.
Four decades and some change.
All it took
was a new turntable
to turn back the clock.
Scratching and pops,
accompany the sounds,
coming out of a Roland cube speaker
that outlived the keyboard I bought it for.
Compared to the records
the speaker is young,
A new adult.
Fitting since I’m reliving
the music that brought me into adulthood.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Is the glass half full or half empty

Maybe I really am a glass is half full
kind of person.
I know some glass is half empty people.
They’re not much fun to be around
when they’re
in a mood.
I was in a relationship with a “what glass?” person.
But I don’t have to live with that kind of darkness

Life Is Good #1

Looked out the window and what did I see
A security guard dumping his drink
In a planter,
Then walking into the restaurant
And refilling his cup.
I feel protected now
And full of hope.
The security guard is well hydrated.
And whatever is growing in the planter
has been watered.