Sunday, July 16, 2017

Feelings is too trite a title

A thank you letter
   in verse,
because I do verse better than prose
   and far better than talking aloud.

Feelings are an interesting thing for me.
I have them,
   sometimes so strong that they paralyze me,
   or I hold them in for so long
   that when they burst out it’s like my mouth has been taken over
   by an alien being who doesn’t
         or sound like me,
Except it is my voice, 
and it is me
 saying or doing  something
too strong,
because it built and built and built up
an uncontrollable explosion of emotion,
more like spontaneous combustion.
And all those casualties,
      and collateral damage
that could have been avoided
if I had
like when the feeling started,
rather than letting it grow
   and stronger
      and stronger,
   and bigger,
      and bigger.
feeding on itself,
like a tumor
rather than
and blooming
 like a flower.
that just needs a little rain
and nurturing
to open slowly
in a non threatening manner.
Now wouldn’t that be something.
Nurture a feeling
by allowing outside sources to feed it
and observe it
      into something beautiful.
and if it dies,
from too much
or too little,
that’s just how it is,
circle of life,
no shame
no blame
a natural course
rather than an explosion
that catches the world
off guard.

not a thank you letter
or thank you poem
at all.
Instead it is a letter
about my inability to express my feelings
except in written verse.
I guess that makes this an apology letter
of sorts
to past, present, and future
shrapnel victims.
Or, maybe it is a thank you
to those past, present, and future victims
for incurring,
   possibly absorbing,
   or ignoring,
   or fighting off
whatever it is that may fly out of my mouth.
We all step around them
   into them,
      place them.
Some are intentional,
Others not.
Mine are unintentional in that I don’t intentionally set them.
On the other hand, one could say
they are intentional because I know I am setting myself up to explode
   if provoked
   at the wrong time
   in the wrong way
   (or is it the right way).
Either way,
I apologize
and thank you.
for being privy to my feelings
and living to tell the tale.