Sunday, September 29, 2019

Sunday Morning Reflections

Caution: If you’re a family member, don’t read this. So why am I publishing it? Because sometimes just writing it isn’t enough. It becomes more real when I put it out there.
Sunday morning reflections.
I like sunny days
I like being healthy enough to walk
And walk and walk
And explore
And just do what I want to do.
I'm not sure I could handle a relationship
As much as I am lonely
I don't know how much I want to give up.
And, the realist in me knows
Even if I find a soulmate
There will be times 
When I need to compromise.
It won't be all about me.
Not that it is now.
There's work.
And family.
But I get to choose how much I work
And whether to do the weekend stuff.
I get to choose whether to take he phone call
Or answer the text.
I get to decide when to be present.
With a partner, 
That choice becomes more difficult.
I know how my mind works.
There would be guilt.
There would be resentment,
Or maybe, just maybe
I'm basing that negativity
On the past.
Where control, guilt, and resentment
Were the norm.
And it’s time for me
To try, try again.