Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Morning Poem for my Children

Morning poem
This morning’s poem is why I should write Morning pages in the morning.
This morning’s poem is why I should write free form,
every day.
Writing takes the doubt and sad
out of my head,
So I can go about my day
without the weight of my failures
on my conscience,
encroaching on my words and actions.
In other words,
I should write because it makes me
a better person.

I reach deep down and come up with
These are my daughters 
My children,
My everything,
And yet,
Am I dead?

Am I spiritually dead?
I’ve never been convinced about God.
When I read from the prayer book at services,
I skipped Our God.
My daughter noticed it once,
during a Yom Kippur Service.
She got so excited,
because she was unsure too
And did the same thing.
Is that the legacy I want to leave my child?
A question mark about God?

I have two.
I have none.
I find women to be comforting, mean,
Puzzling, brilliant.
I see that as a woman I am often underestimated and misunderstood,
Mainly by men,
Sometimes by women.

I am a woman,
a mom.
I call myself Single.
The forms I fill out want me to say Divorced.
I don’t.

I am a woman,
And still figuring out how to play that role
in a society where labels based on looks
set the stage for what you can and cannot say.
I say things anyway.
I get a little cranky.
I get offended.
I get angry.
I get soft.
I get confused.
And I cause confusion.
When I act like a man,
I am shunned or rebuked.
When I act like a woman,
I am put in a box and ignored.
Not always shunned, rebuked, boxed up and ignored.
But enough times that I am wary,
for my daughters, 
I wonder,
Will it ever change?