The pizza delivery guy
Brought my 16” veggie pizza minus the olives,
And as I was pulling out my twenty,
Slapped a handcuff on my wrist.
My immediate reaction,
What the … and I swung my other arm at his face.
Even with his left hand cuffed to my right wrist,
He was able to grab my arm before my fist connected.
Is this guy a magician or something?
Got a handcuff on one wrist and grabbed a swinging arm,
Before I could scream, kick, or grab the twenty.
Turns out all he wanted was to practice his technique.
He took off the handcuff,
And said the pizza was free.
I think I’ll pick up my pizza next time.
And at a different shop.
Might want to change my cell number, too.
And install a timer on my front porch light.
There’s some scary shit going on out there.
Let’s leave the handcuffs for the good guys.
Or maybe the sandwich delivery guys.
Their food might be healthier.
And usually comes with chips, yum, salt.